Sex & Relationship Therapy For Men
Most men who come to see me for sex therapy have been carrying something alone for longer than they should have had to. Sometimes for months. Often for years. They have managed around it, avoided certain situations, or told themselves it would resolve on its own. It hasn't.
If that sounds familiar, you're in the right place.
Dr Ben Davis | MRCGP · MRCP · FECSM · RegCOSRT · PhD (Men's Health)
GP, Men's Health Physician and COSRT-registered Psychosexual Therapist
I'm Dr Ben Davis — a London-based psychosexual therapist, GP and men's health physician practising at Central Health London in Marylebone. I work with men experiencing sexual difficulties, loss of desire, relationship and intimacy problems, and the shame that so often sits beneath them. As both a COSRT-registered psychosexual therapist and a doctor with dual medical training, I can assess and treat the psychological, relational, and physical dimensions of sexual dysfunction within the same consultation — without the gaps that come from seeing a GP, a therapist, and a specialist separately.
I work with men of all orientations and relationship structures — gay, straight, bisexual and queer; single, partnered, married, dating, in open relationships or polyamorous setups. There is no requirement to explain or justify the shape of your sexual or relational life before we get to what is actually going on.
Sex therapy with me is not what most men expect. It is not awkward, clinical, or exposing. It is an honest, unhurried conversation — sometimes the first one a man has ever had — about what is actually happening in his sexual and relational life, and what might genuinely help.
What Makes This Different
Most sex therapy services are staffed by therapists without medical training. Most men's health services are staffed by doctors without psychosexual training. The result is that men with sexual difficulties either get a prescription and a referral, or a therapist who cannot assess whether something physical is driving the problem.
I hold both qualifications. As a GP, physician, and COSRT-registered psychosexual and relationship therapist — based in central London — I can assess the physical and psychological dimensions of sexual difficulty within the same consultation, with the same clinician. To my knowledge, I am the only practitioner in the UK who combines dual medical training with registered psychosexual therapy and a specialist focus on men's health.
In practice, this means nothing falls between the cracks. If there is a hormonal, cardiovascular, or medication-related component to what you are experiencing, I will find it. If shame, anxiety, relational dynamics, or your erotic world are at the centre of it, I can work with those too — using approaches including Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT), EMDR, and the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy alongside established sex therapy methods.
What Sex Therapy Actually Is
Sex therapy is talking therapy. There is no physical contact, no examination unless medically indicated and explicitly agreed, and nothing that happens in the room that you do not understand and consent to.
What does happen is conversation — about your sexual history, your current difficulties, your desires, your relationships, and your sense of yourself as a sexual person. For most men, this is the first time they have ever had that conversation with anyone. Many find it a relief rather than an ordeal — and a lot quieter and more ordinary than they had feared.
At times there may be suggested exercises to explore between sessions — either alone or with a partner — to deepen the work and begin building new experience. These are always discussed and agreed in advance. Nothing is compulsory.
Sessions are 50 minutes. Most men start weekly, moving to fortnightly as things progress. The clinic is at 23 Devonshire Place, Marylebone — quiet, discreet, a short walk from Regent's Park — with remote sessions available for follow-ups.
Issues I Can Help With
Performance anxiety and erection difficulties One of the most common presentations, and one of the most treatable. Whether the problem is a self-sustaining anxiety loop, shame around sexual difficulty, a relational dynamic that has become charged, or something in your erotic world that is not being met — understanding what is actually driving it is the first step. Sometimes this requires medical assessment alongside therapy; often it does not.
Low sexual desire and loss of libido Desire is not simply an appetite that is either present or absent. It is shaped by stress, relationship dynamics, hormonal health, psychological history, and what a man actually needs erotically. A proper exploration of low desire looks at all of these — and distinguishes between a medical cause and one that is psychological or relational.
Premature and delayed ejaculation Both are more common than men realise — and both are often quietly carried for years, shaped by a sense that this is just how things are. They are not. Both respond well to the right combination of therapeutic and, where relevant, medical approaches, and most men make meaningful progress within a few months of starting properly targeted work.
Shame around sexuality and sexual interests Many men carry significant shame about what arouses them — whether that involves kinks, fetishes, fantasies, or sexual interests that feel at odds with how they see themselves. A non-judgemental exploration of your erotic world is often where the most meaningful change begins.
Sexuality, identity, and the experience of being a gay, bi or queer man Some men come specifically for work around sexuality and identity — coming out later in life, navigating shame inherited from family or culture, the specific psychological textures of growing up gay in a heteronormative world, or the impact of sexual experiences earlier in life that have shaped how sex feels now. Others are gay or queer men presenting with the same difficulties straight men present with — performance anxiety, low desire, relationship issues — and simply want a clinician who will not need anything explained, who is comfortable with all forms of gay sex, and who understands the particular dynamics of gay relationships, dating, and sexual culture.
I have a long-standing focus on gay men's health and have worked extensively with gay, bisexual and queer men across the full spectrum of presentations. Nothing about your sexuality, your sexual practices, or the people you have sex with will be unfamiliar or surprising in this room.
Relationships, intimacy, and non-monogamy Sometimes the most important work is relational — about communication, connection, desire within a relationship, or a dynamic between partners that has made sex feel fraught or distant. Where a partner is willing to be involved, couples work can be part of the process, and I draw on the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy where it is clinically helpful.
A significant proportion of the men I see are in open relationships, polyamorous setups, or other forms of consensual non-monogamy — and many gay male relationships sit somewhere on this spectrum. The work here is not about whether non-monogamy is right or wrong: it is about whether the structure you are in is actually working for you, where the sticking points are, how to navigate the specific challenges that come with multiple sexual or romantic connections, and how to address sexual difficulties when they arise within a non-traditional structure. Most therapists are not particularly comfortable with this territory. I am.
Compulsive sexual behaviour and pornography concerns Whether this is a genuine pattern of compulsive behaviour or a source of worry that needs unpacking, the work involves understanding what function the behaviour is serving and addressing what is beneath it — not simply trying to stop it. This is often particularly relevant in contexts where chemsex, app use, or specific sexual practices have started to feel out of control.
HIV, STIs, and sexual health concerns As a GP with a specialist interest in sexual health and gay men's health, I can integrate clinical sexual health care alongside psychosexual therapy where relevant — including PrEP, STI screening and treatment, and the psychological dimensions of an HIV diagnosis or sexual health concerns.
How I Work
Sex therapy is not a single technique. Different presentations call for different approaches, and an experienced therapist draws on several. The approaches I use most often are:
Established psychosexual therapy methods — including sensate focus, behavioural exercises, and structured work on sexual scripts and arousal patterns. These remain the foundation of most sex therapy and are particularly useful for working directly with sexual function, desire, and the building of new sexual experience.
Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) — developed by Paul Gilbert specifically to address shame and self-criticism. CFT is particularly useful where shame is at the centre of the difficulty, which is often the case in men's sexual presentations. It works not by reasoning men out of their shame, but by activating the soothing system — the part of the nervous system associated with safety and warmth — as a counterweight to the chronic self-monitoring that drives so much sexual difficulty.
Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) — a structured, evidence-based approach originally developed for trauma, increasingly used in psychosexual work. EMDR is particularly valuable where earlier experiences — a humiliating sexual encounter, a shaming response from a partner, sexual experiences that attached fear or shame to sex before it had a chance to develop naturally — are anchoring a current difficulty in ways that talking-based approaches alone do not reach.
The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy (Bader and Pearson) — for men whose sexual difficulties are embedded in a relational dynamic, or where a partner is involved in the work. The Developmental Model focuses on how each person in a couple has grown — or not grown — through the predictable stages of relational development, and provides a powerful framework for understanding why sex and intimacy can become stuck in long-term relationships.
In practice these approaches are often combined. A man with longstanding performance anxiety might begin with established sex therapy methods, find that shame is the central block, move into a period of CFT work, and then use EMDR to address a specific earlier experience that is sustaining the difficulty. The work is shaped by what is actually going on, not by a fixed protocol.
The Role Of Shame
Shame sits at the centre of most men's sexual difficulties — not always visibly, but almost always present.
Many men who come to see me have not told anyone about what they are experiencing. Not a partner, not a friend, not a GP. The reason is rarely that they haven't wanted help. It is that the prospect of speaking about it — of being seen to struggle with something so bound up with identity and self-worth — has felt too exposing.
This is understandable. And it is also one of the things that keeps sexual difficulties entrenched. Shame thrives in secrecy. It does not respond to reasoning or reassurance. What it responds to is a space that is genuinely safe — not just professionally appropriate, but experienced enough with male sexuality to understand what is being communicated beneath what is being said.
That is what I try to offer. Many men say things in a first appointment that they have never said anywhere else. That is usually where things begin to move.
If something in the last few sections has resonated, you don't have to commit to anything yet. You're welcome to book a consultation or just send a short message to ask whether this is the right place to start.
How Long Does It Take?
This depends on what is driving the difficulty and how long it has been present.
For performance anxiety where the anxiety loop is relatively recent and there are no significant underlying issues, meaningful change often happens within six to ten sessions. Some men need only a handful; others, where shame is more deeply entrenched or earlier experiences need processing — sometimes through EMDR — benefit from longer work.
Where the difficulty is primarily relational, or where both partners need to be involved, the timescale is usually similar but the work looks different.
I will always be open with you about what I think is likely to be involved before we begin, and will check in with you regularly about how the work is going. Nothing continues beyond what is useful.
FAQs About Sex Therapy
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Sex therapy is a structured, talking-based psychotherapy focused on sexual difficulties, desire, intimacy, and the psychological and relational dimensions of sex. It involves no physical contact and no examination. A registered psychosexual therapist will work with you to understand what is driving the difficulty — whether psychological, relational, or rooted in earlier experience — and to build new patterns and experiences over time. Sessions are confidential, conversational, and shaped to what is actually going on for you.
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Yes — and the evidence base is now substantial. Sex therapy has been shown to be effective for erectile dysfunction (particularly where psychological factors are involved), low libido, premature and delayed ejaculation, and sexual difficulties rooted in shame, anxiety, or trauma. One pilot study found that cognitive behavioural sex therapy produced improvements in erection scores comparable to sildenafil (Viagra) in young men with psychogenic erectile dysfunction, with greater reductions in anxiety.
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Yes — particularly where the difficulty is psychological in origin or where psychological factors are sustaining a problem that may have started physically. Performance anxiety, shame, relational dynamics, and erotic mismatch are common drivers of erectile dysfunction in men of all ages, and all respond well to targeted sex therapy. Where there is also a medical component — cardiovascular, hormonal, or medication-related — I can assess and treat that within the same consultation, rather than referring you elsewhere.
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Yes. Low libido has many possible drivers — testosterone deficiency, depression, medication side effects, relationship dynamics, stress, sleep, or shifts in what a man actually needs erotically. Sex therapy works through these systematically and, where indicated, alongside medical assessment. It is one of the most treatable presentations once the underlying drivers are identified.
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Yes. Both are highly responsive to a combination of behavioural techniques, work on shame, arousal patterns and self-monitoring, and where appropriate, medical treatment. Most men make significant progress within a few months.
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A urologist is a surgical specialist who treats structural and physiological conditions of the male genitourinary system — prostate disease, urinary symptoms, surgical conditions. A sex therapist (or psychosexual therapist) addresses the psychological, relational, and behavioural dimensions of sexual difficulty. Many men with erection problems benefit from input from both perspectives, but very few clinicians are trained in both. I am — alongside being a GP and physician — which is why my consultations cover the full picture rather than fragmenting your care across multiple specialists.
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Couples therapy focuses on the relationship — communication, conflict, connection, the dynamic between partners. Sex therapy focuses specifically on sexual difficulty, desire, and intimacy. The two often overlap, particularly where sexual difficulty has become entangled with relational issues. I am trained in both, including the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy (Bader and Pearson), and can work with you individually, as a couple, or in some combination.
Practical Questions
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Sessions are 50 minutes of conversation. The first appointment is mostly assessment — your history, current difficulties, what has and hasn't worked, the relational and erotic context. Subsequent sessions are shaped by what we are working with: sometimes structured therapeutic work using CFT or EMDR, sometimes exploration of patterns and dynamics, sometimes specific behavioural exercises to try between sessions. Nothing physical happens in the room.
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No. Sex therapy is entirely talking-based. There is no physical contact, no nudity, and no examination of any kind in sessions. If a medical examination is clinically appropriate — for example, to rule out a physical cause of erectile dysfunction — this is always discussed separately, with full explanation and written consent, and can always be declined.
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Most men with performance anxiety or specific sexual difficulties make meaningful progress within six to twelve sessions. Where shame is more deeply entrenched, where earlier experiences need processing through EMDR, or where relational work is involved, longer work is sometimes needed. I will be open with you about what I think is likely to be involved before we begin.
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Yes. Sessions are fully confidential. Nothing is shared without your consent except in the rare circumstances required by law — for example, if there were a serious risk of harm to yourself or others. I will always explain if that situation arises.
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No. Many men come alone, and sex therapy can be highly effective on an individual basis — whether you are single, partnered, or in a non-monogamous relationship. Where a partner or partners are involved and willing to attend, we can discuss whether some joint sessions would be helpful. That is always a conversation, never a requirement.
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Yes — and many of the men I see are gay, bisexual or queer. I have a long-standing focus on gay men's health and have worked across the full range of presentations, from sexual difficulties and identity work to chemsex, PrEP, and the psychological dimensions of an HIV diagnosis. Nothing about your sexuality, sexual practices, or partners will need to be explained or justified.
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Yes. A significant proportion of the men I see are in open relationships, polyamorous setups, or other forms of consensual non-monogamy. You won't need to explain or justify the structure of your relationship before we get to what actually matters.
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Yes — the majority of men I see are heterosexual. Sexual difficulties including erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety, low libido, premature ejaculation, and relationship and intimacy problems are universal. Being a gay man myself brings a particular perspective on sexuality and shame — and many straight men find they can speak more freely here, without fear of judgement, than they expected.
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Yes — and this is one of the most common situations I see. Many men have already tried Viagra, testosterone, or other interventions, with partial or no improvement. That usually indicates that something psychological, relational, or erotic is sustaining the difficulty alongside or instead of any physical cause. That is exactly what sex therapy addresses.
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That is fine — and more common than you might think. Many men arrive with a general sense that something is not right, without a clear diagnosis or label. The initial assessment is designed to make sense of the picture together, and clarity usually comes fairly quickly.
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Psychosexual therapy sessions with me are £235 per 50-minute session at Central Health London, Devonshire Place, Marylebone. Where therapy follows an initial medical consultation, fees for that are listed on the appointments page. I have a small number of reduced fee appointments, for those on lower incomes.
Ready to Talk?
Taking this step takes courage — and most men who do it say they wish they had done it sooner.
If you would like to book an initial consultation, you can do so below. If you are not yet sure whether this is the right place to start, you are welcome to get in touch and I will do my best to point you in the right direction — whether that ends up being with me or elsewhere.
The clinic is at Central Health London, 23 Devonshire Place, Marylebone, London W1G 6JB.
Dr Ben Davis
MA (Cantab) MBBS PhD MRCP MRCGP DFSRH FECSM RegCOSRT
Dr Ben Davis is a GP, physician and COSRT-registered psychosexual and relationship therapist with over 15 years of clinical experience, trained at Cambridge and UCL. He holds MRCGP, MRCP, FECSM and a PhD in men's emotional and sexual health.
He is to his knowledge the only clinician in the UK who combines dual medical training with registered psychosexual therapy and a specialist focus on men's health.